Saturday, August 13, 2011

our adoption story...part four

i left the doctor's office with a mixture of feelings. elated, because the doctor had said there was nothing wrong with either of us. confused, because if there was really nothing wrong with us, then why hadn't we been able to get pregnant?

the next morning,i sat at my kitchen table, my heart was aching for some clarity and understanding as what was to come next. the previous day, the doctor offered to start fertility treatments on me to help us in conceiving. i walked out of the doctor's office not really knowing what to think of it. i'm not against pursuing the medical resources that we have available to us, but a bigger question loomed in my head. was this really what God wanted for us? did i really want to be put on hormones and subject my body to some not so good stuff? they said there was nothing wrong with us, so then did i want to surrender the matter over to God or take control myself and try to fix it? really, that was were i was at that morning as i opened my bible in desperate search to hear from my heavenly Father.

i poured out my heart, and tears flowed from my face. it basically came down to two things. do we try and take getting pregnant into our own control? or do we trust in God, allowing Him the room to work regardless of the unanswered questions we had? i think so easily we take control or rather think we are in control, when we really aren't. i knew, with this matter there was no way i was in control of any of it. however, i knew my God was. He gave me these words, as i read and prayed that day.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20

these words pierced my heart. i knew that i would never regret trusting God and believing Him for more than i could ever ask or imagine. he knew that we desperately wanted kids and through that our faith was about to grow in ways it couldn't have any other way. i knew He had spoken to me that day. i ask Him to give me more faith in Him and to give me strength in the journey he had called us to. i prayed that he would provide for us as we walked the path of adoption and desiring to get pregnant naturally. it was totally in His hands. that morning, as i left my kitchen table, i had given Him a surrendered heart. He gave me hope and peace that there was no one better to trust with my heart than Him.

to be continue...

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